All We Had Is Now
by IrethMalfoy
Summary: A oneshot about how Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy's relationship started and how it ended. Wrote in Hermione's POV. Rated T just in case.


A/N: Insperation hit and well I hope you like it. I have to say that I like one-shots best. I am working on my other story "I Never" so if you area reader of that one don't worry it's getting there. I have to say that there isn't enough one-shots out there. I think that I like to read and write them best. Anyhow, I'll quit rambleing on...

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any related material.

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I'm not really sure why it all started. I don't knowif it was when I smacked himin our thrid year, or if it was at the Yule Ball in the fourth. When he cornered me and kissed me on the Hogwarts Express on the way to school in our fifth year is when it really began. 

When he cornered me, the train was almost empty since everyone was in a rush to get to the Welcoming Feast. He pulled me into a compartment and kissed me. A million thoughts swept through my mind. _Push him away, he shouldn't be kissing me, he's going to rape me, he's going to use me to get something from Harry, he is so sexy, why can't I push him away?_ I couldn't pull away from him. I don't think I would have even if I could.

All year we would sneak away from our real lives to be with one another. We couldn't get enough of each other. I had to be close to him, to feel him, to touch him. He felt the same. I tried to stop it at first. I knew I couldn't live with myself if I got close to Draco Malfoy, but still found myself in his arms. Even when I was telling him that we shouldn't be together. He would kiss me and agree, and kiss me some more. Then I'd forget what it was I was saying to kiss him back.

We were so different. We knew that our lives would never be able to converge and become one. He was a Malfoy and I was a Mudblood. There was no getting around those things. It was those things that drew us together, and they would be the things that would tear us apart. At school we could be together. But only in secret. Who would understand? Hell, I don't think we understood, really. All we knew was that we had to be together; there could be no future between us.

I knew that when we fought in the hallways and during classes it was just because we didn't understand what was going on between us. We knew that it was doomed. We knew where we'd be during the war. Against each other. Just like we should have been in our early years of school. Still we continued our secret rendezvous through our fifth year.

I think I had hope for him when fifth year ended and his father was put into Azkaban.

So sixth year began, and I thought I could get through his past. However, breaking through 16 years of mental torment was too hard. He finally told me to stop trying to convince him that his father was wrong. We should have stopped then. We were going to be on opposite sides of the battle field and nothing would change that. I couldn't just walk away from him. That year it was him telling us that we should stop the madness that we were putting ourselves through. But we couldn't. We stayed apart all of three days when he cornered me yet again.

It was worse for us that year. With the terror that the world was going through and here we were two enemies being together in every way trying to forget the pain that was going on. Time wasn't on our side and the tension between the light and dark grew greater. We couldn't separate. We had come too far to turn our backs on one another. In fact we clung to each other.

Nothing changed. We still maintained our stance and neither one of us would change sides. However, we gained a respect for one another. We knew that when the time came there would be nothing left. Nothing to cling to. I think that's why we held on so tight to one another before sixth year ended. At the start of our seventh year our time would soon be up and we had to save what little time we had left.

Seventh year was terrible. I had managed to convince myself that after the war we could be together. I couldn't say anything to him about it. We never spoke about our future. There was no future, only the now, and the now was growing shorter by the minute. It drove me insane.

The war came agonizingly fast to a crescendo in the spring of seventh year. The night before the Final Battle we locked ourselves in the Astronomy Tower. We weren't the only ones to lock ourselves alone in a corner of the castle. Everyone wanted to be close to the one that they loved, because the next day there could very well be nothing to come back to.

Draco held me close that night. We never said a word as the stars grew brighter. He just held me, kissing the top of my head from time to time. I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Tears fell silently down my face. This would be the last time we could be the innocent couple that we were. Now, don't get me wrong, _innocent_ could be pushing it, but we were young. The next day we were to be pushed into growing up in a matter of hours. We knew we'd see people we knew for years die instantly. We knew that we'd be the ones to kill our school mates. We clung to one another all night. Savoring each second, each breath, knowing it would be a miracle if we both made it out of the battle alive.

Near dawn that night Draco stood, dragging me up with him. He turned me around so I could look into his eyes. For the first time in nearly three years, his eyes weren't cloaked. His eyes showed everything he ever felt. His entire life came pouring out of the silvery depths. I cried even harder. I couldn't let him go, so I did the only thing that I could do. I said good-bye. I couldn't say the words that I longed to say to him. I just couldn't tell him that I loved him. So much for my Gryffindor courage. I threw my arms around him one last time and kissed him with all I had. This was the end. There was no going back, this was it. Finally, when I pulled away from him he uttered, "I'm sorry, Hermione, that I couldn't be the man you wanted." He walked away, and out of my life. That was the end of who we were and what we had shared.

I couldn't cry as I watched him walk away from me. I wanted to. There was nothing to cry, I had been crying all night. There was nothing left in my to cry for him walking out of my life as my lover. Tears were welling in my chest, but not a single one passed through my eyes as I watched him leave me that morning.

The Final Battle came in full force. My friends and I were separated. We thought that we'd stand a better chance surviving if we weren't close on the battle field. There had been many casualties on both sides. I never thought about which side was faring best, or which side was suffering the most. The only thing on my mind was to survive. Near dusk there were so few still standing. Anyone who could hold a wand was fighting. It didn't matter anymore what they we were fighting for. We just wanted to live.

I just hoped the whole time that I wouldn't come across Draco. I wanted so much to remember him as he was the night before, but I guess Fate has different ways of seeing things. It was near dusk when I came across his path. He was looking at me underneath that damned black hood. I knew it was him, how could I not? How many times in the past years had I stared into those eyes? He looked at me like he had in those last few moments before he left. My wand lay at my side uselessly. How could I kill the man that I've grown to love? In his eyes expressed the same feeling.

"We have to, you know," he said to me as he came closer to me.

I merely nodded. Slowly he raised his wand, as did I.

"You were wrong, Draco, even now you are the man I want. You are the one that I love," I whispered to him.

He made no indication that he heard what I said, but I knew he heard, his eyes softened a bit. Together we shouted "Avada Kedavra!"

My spell hit him squarely in the heart, and at the last second he shifted his wand so his spell would miss me by centimeters. I let out a scream, realizing what had been done. I ran to his side and finally tears for him escaped my eyes. I clung to him again, it didn't matter anymore that there was a war going on. All I could think of was I had killed the love of my life. I don't know how long I stayed with the lifeless body of Draco Malfoy, nothing mattered anymore. Vaguely, I remember someone from the Order picking me up and carrying me to get looked at by a medi-wizard..

I would remember Draco Malfoy, the only man I ever loved, in that moment when I killed him. We never had a future, we only had the now. That time is over.


End file.
